Monday, June 30, 2008

Mom Update

How do I begin? This post comes with a very heavy heart. I am overwhelmed with emotion, but feel that I should let everyone know what is going on with my mom.

We saw the doctor today and he informed us that her liver is very sick so to speak. Her bilirubin (liver function) is at a 3.5 and should be below 1.5. She has been unable to take chemo now for about 5 weeks so her tumor trackers have jumped tremendously as well. Her symptoms all show that she is in liver failure.

Her liver is just so damaged from the Cancer and the chemo it is just unable to preform its duties. She has a lot of fluid on her stomach because her liver is unable to get them. She can only eat bites at a time and she is extremely weak.

Dr. Wade told my mom that it was her choice if she would like to try chemo today in hopes that it may help a little. He informed her that it was probably a long shot though and could even speed up the process of liver failure. He let her know that she could go without chemo and not be sick or have all the other side effects that would go along with it and enjoy what time she had left. He also told her he felt that it was important for her to spend and enjoy time with her family this week. (We have a big family camping trip planned) In the end mom chose NOT to take the chemo.

It is so hard....I can't even explain what I am feeling right now. It seems like things went from good to bad in such a short time. There is still so much I want to do and share with my mom. There are also so many things I wish I could do over. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. Why? Why does this have to happen? I know it is selfish of me to want her to stay, but I can't help it. She is my mom, best friend and my hero. She is one of the great ones. After all is said and done....I hope to make her proud and can be half the person she is.

18 comments:

Helen said...

Amanda, we're here for you, your family, and our son. Helen & Doug

Sarah D said...

Praying for a miracle.

DeAnn said...

Amanda,
Hi...it has been a while! Nick is such a handsome little man. We enjoy seeing his photos.
Larry and I wanted you to know that you and your mom are in our thoughts and our daily prayers. Take care!

Anonymous said...

Manda,

Your post this morning touched my heart so much. Please know that I am still praying for you and your mom. I can't even imagine going through this myself. Praise God that you have...and always had...such a close relationship with your mother. Thank Him for the memories. And continue to make memories as much as you can!

Love you, girl!
Tracie

Mrs. Carr said...

Amanda- I was so sorry to read about your mom. Please know that you and your mom are in our thoughts and prayers.
Carrie and Eric Carr

P.S. That little boy of yours is a doll! And I love the pics of your mom with the kids. Love the one with all of them in their Cardinals apparel. What a great picture to have!

Dawn said...

Oh my God, Amanda. I am SO truly sorry. I was so hoping and praying that you would get good news. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.

amberlindemann said...

Amanda,

you and your mom are in our prayrers

please call if you need anything

Funneman Fun said...

Amanda, We will keep your Mom and your family in our prayers.

Rebekah said...

sendin' up the prayers, Amanda!

Christina said...

Amanda, my heart is breaking for you. If there is anything any of us can do, just speak the word... we're all there for you.

hncfarley said...

You are all in our prayers. And Amanda, I believe you have already made your mom proud.

Jess said...

Amanda,
Our hearts break for you and this hard time you are going through! Just remember we are all praying continuously for you and your family.

You have made your mom so proud! We can see it in her eyes. Please continue making those wonderful memories and sharing them with us. God Bless your mom, she is such a strong inspiring woman. If there is anything we can do, please let us know.

Jessica, Bill, Olivia and Isaac

Emily Volkman said...

you and your family are in our hearts and prayers.
~ emily

BB said...

I've found your blog a couple of months ago through Sarah and Jessica. I've heard that you are a wonderful cook, mother, wife, sister and daughter from both of them. I read your post and am just in tears. I pray for you and your family!

Jamee said...

Amanda, my heart is sick for you. Your mom is in my thoughts.
Jamee

Nancy said...

Amanda, I showed Marty your blog, and was shocked to hear about your mom. She is truly so proud of you, you have came a long way, and you are a wonderful daughter/mother/wife/friend.
Please know that you are in our prayers. I can't speak from experience, but can only imagine how painful this must be for you.
It brings me tears just knowing the pain you are going through. And your mom.. oh my how scared she must be, and all the pain she has been through, yet still is so strong. Be proud..not all familys get along as well as yours, nor do they consider there family as best friends. You have experienced the best relationship a daugher could have with her mother.
God Speed

Collins Fam said...

Amanda and Lisa if you see this,

I know I haven't had the chance to see you a lot lately but there is not a day go by that I don't think of you and I am praying for all of you! You are in our thoughts and prayers and we love you!

Jessica, Claire and Chris

Unknown said...

Amanda,

Remain courageous and strong as you have been thus far. We are praying for you and your family.

I want to take a minute to share a touching story that my Aunt Patti Swick shared with me the other day. When my parents were first married and living in Aunt Kate's basement, she spent the night. During the evening she snuck upstairs to peek at the Tate family. Your mother, her sisters and parents were gathered in the living room while Aunt Kate rocked Beth. Patti remembers it as a touching family moment that she envied. I asked her to share it with you but wasn't sure if she would. It's wonderful to see that you are carrying on many of those tender family moments in your life.

Please relay all our love to Lisa.

Love,
Stephanie, Aimee and Vicki