Well it is officially Thanksgiving and I should be in bed. However I cannot sleep. So many thoughts are running through my mind right now. So many thoughts about how it used to be. I feel like I am so empty inside. Like something is truly missing from my life. Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of my all time favorite times of the year. Family, friends, turkey...that's what I should be focusing on. I can't though. I continue to remind myself that my best friend is no longer here. My mom will never be here again to share with me the memories that should be made. I tried all day to keep myself busy, to forget about the memory of my mother. To forget about what it is going to be like to celebrate this holiday without her there. I just cannot forget. I miss her voice. I miss calling her to tell her the silly things that happened throughout the day. People tell me to just talk to her, but I can't. I want to physically talk to her. I want her to answer me back. It is not that I don't believe that she can hear me or even that she is near, but it is not the same at all. Christmas and Thanksgiving were my mothers all time favorite holidays and without her here it is just not the same. I don't even want to put up a tree but I know that I need to be strong for Nick. I just don't know how to pull myself together.

Mama:

I miss you more than you could ever know. I miss that when I wake up tomorrow I will not have a voicemail from you. One that says..."good morning beautiful. I just wanted to be the first to tell you Happy Thanksgiving. Make sure you kiss my little sweetpea for me."

I need your strength now more than ever.

Manda

I am sorry to be such a downer on a time that should be so joyful, but sometimes this is the only way for me to get things out and release the sorrow that I feel. I miss my mom so much. Please pray that I make it through this day and become a stronger person because of it.