Once in a Lifetime

Happy Anniversary!

2009-05-05T13:58:00.002-05:00

Today...Cinco De Mayo....would mark the third anniversary of my mom and my step dad Mike. I am sure this day is not easy for him. I wanted to take the time to wish him happiness. Mike is such a wonderful man. My mom and Mike were married for a very short 5 months before they got the news. He stood by her side from day one. He loved her unconditionally and for that I am so grateful. I truly believe that my mom lived as long as she did because of him. Thank you for that. I hope that you are able to have a good day today. I am thinking about you and I love you!

Sushi

2009-04-17T08:59:00.002-05:00

A couple of days ago I noticed that our pet fish Sushi really need to have his tank cleaned. I ran the regular VERY hot soapy water and brought his tank next to the sink. I got the strainer out to rinse out all those decorative beads that lay at the bottom and then procceded to "catch" sushi. I had him in my homemade net and was transferring him to his fresh water. As I drug him across the sink he decided to jump out of the net and right into the boiling sink of soapy water I had just prepared. I tried my hardest to dig him out, burning my hand in the process. When I finally got to him i dropped immediately into the fresh water I had waiting for him. He started to swim upside down. I knew that it was over. Within a few minutes Sushi was completely cooked. Thank goodness Nick really doesn't understand it. We flushed him down the toilet and headed to Pet smart for a new Sushi......

Nose Pickin' Trouble?

2009-03-31T09:27:00.002-05:00

As some of you may remember....I have had a little trouble with Nick always picking his nose. It started shortly after we enrolled him into daycare. When I would ask him to quit he would giggle thinking it was a joke. Now I can say, "Thank you Shel Silverstein for letting my child know why he should not dig for gold!"

Warning

Inside everybody's nose

There lives a sharp-toothed snail.

So if you stick your finger in,

He may bite off your nail.

Stick it farther up inside,

And he may bite your ring off.

Stick it all the way, and he

May bite the whole darn thing off.

Shel Silverstien

The New Do!

2009-03-18T10:51:00.003-05:00

On Monday I went to the STL hair show with my friend Brandy. If any of you remember at one time I had a Cosmetology licence. Anyway we sat at the booth of the Renegade Stylist for quite sometime. He was taking random people out of the audience to cut their hair....with clippers. I really wanted something different so to my surprise he chose me! Woo Hoo! He cut my hair into this style using clippers. It was amazing. He then pumped up the AC/DC and blow dried my hair using not one but two hair dryers. It was pretty cool. I am very please with how it turned out. Much better than the stringy crap I've been living with for so long! Thanks Brandy for a good time!

And my final OB grade is....

2009-03-12T12:08:00.003-05:00

I GOT A B! I even got a B in the class. I am pretty pleased considering I did not even study for my last test I took. Whew. Now on to Med/Surg! Can't wait!

What to do

2009-02-28T09:39:00.002-06:00

So here's the deal. Nick has been sick....ALOT! We honestly thought it was because of adjusting to daycare. Don't get me wrong, most of his illnesses are. Well about three weeks ago, Nick developed a cough that just would not go away. He also had a lymph node that was quit large and would not go away. He had this swollen node for almost three months. The Nurse Practitioner had told me that it may take awhile to go away, but if it was still there in a couple of months to come back. Well I went back and the Doctor not LNP told me everything was fine. She also found a few more that were swollen. Anyways, the very next week Nick continued to have a very deep, nonproductive cough. It sounded horrible. I called to make him an appointment. Once again I had to see the LNP. No problem. FLASHBACK: Last summer Nick had pneumonia. The only way the found out was because they had to do a chest x-ray. So back to the story. I took Nick in and expressed my concerns. He is coughing, not eating well, irritable, has to sleep propped up, has swollen lymph nodes and just isn't acting himself. She checks his ears, nose, throat, lungs. She tells me he is just fine probably just a virus going around that we can't do anything for anyway. I tell her about the pneumonia episode we had back in the summer and how the only way we could tell was through x-ray. She says his lungs sound fine it will just have to run its course. (this is on Wednesday) On Saturday, Nick begins to run a fever. It was anywhere from 99.9 to 101. I gave him the Motrin/Tylenol cocktail (not at the same time of course) and it would help for a little while. He continued to run a fever for the next few days. His appetite was nothing and he was extremely grouchy. On Wednesday daycare called and said he was just not himself and was running a fever of 101.5 and he wouldn't even touch his lunch. Ryan picked him up and I tried to get an appointment with his doctor. Of course they wanted us to see the LNP and they couldn't get us in until the next day. I made the appointment and told them I wanted to see the Doctor. While Ryan had him at home, he gave him Motrin. In two hours his temp did not even go down. He took him to Children's hospital. When they got there his temperature was 103. Ryan told them about the episode of pneumonia the past summer and FINALLY they got a chest x-ray. Nick has pneumonia in his upper right lobe. How do you miss that. I feel horrible for not taking him to Children's three weeks ago. The reassured us that the lymph nodes were not a big deal because he has been sick and that with children they can take a long time to go away. I am glad to finally know what is that has been making him so sick. I just hope it is finally going to go away. I am just so confused about what to do with my Doctor...really her LNP. This is the second time in a year that she has missed pneumonia in my child. It is not even that she missed it, it is the fact that I told her that he had to have a chest x-ray last time to find it and that he was presenting with all of the same symptoms. Should I bring this up with my doctor or just let it go? I am really on the fence here!

Conversation with Nick in the Car

2009-02-23T19:18:00.002-06:00

Nick: Mommy, I can't reach dat ting ober dere.

Mommy: Well Sweetie, I'll get whatever it is you want when we stop.

Nick: Boy I sure wish I had monkey arms.

2009-02-22T16:33:00.002-06:00

You know you are a parent when:

You are gratified by the acceptance of your two year old!!!!

Sushi and Balloons

2009-02-21T15:39:00.008-06:00

A couple of weeks ago Ryan had a member come into the golf shop and hand out some gift certificates to his new restaurant. It is called Sakura. It is one of the newest Hibachi grills/sushi bars in our area. We had been there once and it was fantastic. This time however, we would get to eat for free and we could take Nick. We warned Nick about the fire and overall thought he would probably enjoy the experience. He liked everything until the "fire". That kind of scared him. We had a great time, but will probably not sit at the hibachi next time we take Nick. When we got home Nick and Ryan started playing with balloons. Nick is obsessed! He has been ever since I can remember. I can't even begin to tell you about the laughter we heard for the rest of the night over a $3 package of balloons!

Ready for the "fire".

Testing out the chopsticks.

Being brave once the fire was out!

Ready for some balloon action.

Does this shirt make me look big?

I-L-L........I-N-I

2009-02-17T19:06:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow, Ryan and I are traveling to Campaign to watch the Fighting Illini beat up on Penn State. I love Illinois basketball!!!!! I haven't been able to go to any games this year though because of my school schedule. I have clinicals early Thursday morning, but hey, who needs sleep right. Thankfully it is a 6 pm game so we should be home around 11:30 or so. I'll be in the delivery room for all twelve hours of my clinical on Thursday, so that should help to keep me awake! GO ILLINI!!!!!

Nick and his potty

2009-02-17T14:00:00.001-06:00

I think it is official that Nick is finally potty trained. He is not longer pooping on the floor. He tells us now every time he has to potty. I am very impressed. He even has dry pull-ups when he wakes up in the morning. Is it time to try under ware at night time?

My favorite Valentine....

2009-02-17T13:57:00.003-06:00

Better late than never

2009-02-17T13:55:00.003-06:00

Happy Valentines day to all of you "lovers" out there. I wanted to post this on Saturday, but have been way to busy. Hope you all had a wonderful day filled with love and chocolate!

busy, busy, busy

2009-02-11T16:08:00.001-06:00

Lets just say I have been more than a little busy the last couple of weeks. I have had two tests in a row and have spent the majority of my waking hours studying. I am in an OB class right now and it is really interesting. I love my teacher. He is also my clinical instructor. The past couple of weeks I have been on postpartum. Although I thought it would be very boring, it is anything but. Next week I get to help out in Labor and Delivery. I can't wait. It should be very exciting. My house is a mess, we eat out all the time because I don't have time to cook, and my husband thinks I am neglecting him. My instructors warned me of this on my very first day. Oh well the reward at the end will be well worth it....wonder what it will be like when I continue for my masters?

2009-02-04T12:46:00.002-06:00

Dear Mom,

It has been six months today since I last saw your face. There is not a moment in the day that I do not think of you. I miss you just as much today as the day you left. I miss your wisdom, your smile, your humor, and your compassion. I learned so much from you in the short time I was able to be blessed with you in my life. It still seems so unreal to me. I wait for the day you come to me in a dream to tell me you are okay. I know you are, but I am selfish and want to see you again! This picture of you wearing Nicks little golfin' hat to keep your head cold just reminded me so much of your laid back personality. Because of you I am the woman and mother I am today. Although I can hardly bear the thought of you not being here, it would be harder to watch you suffer. I know you are in a much better place, but that still does not fill the hole I have in my heart! I miss you and love you so much!

Love,
Amanda Rene'e

Thanks Sarah Sellz

2009-02-02T10:31:00.002-06:00

I entered the contest at Sarah Sellz and this is what I won. I usually don't win things, but I am so happy to have this! I really needed a new spring purse! Sarah Sellz has great stuff. Check out the website www.sarahsellz.blogspot.com. She will even ship your purchase if you don't live in the area for a VERY small fee! Thanks Sarah Sellz~!

T-Rex named Sue

2009-01-28T12:23:00.008-06:00

Nick really loves dinosaurs right now. Ryan asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told him I wanted to Nick to see T-Rex Sue at the STL science center. It was inexpensive and a really neat experience. It is a cast of the actual T-Rex that is in the Chicago Field Museum. I can't believe how big that thing really is!

Nicks First Real Snow

2009-01-28T11:16:00.005-06:00

Nick and I both have a snow day again. It snowed so much more last night. (Betsy I hope you got as much as we did!) I wanted to take Nick out yesterday, but it sleeted all day. When we got up this morning to find "no school" we looked out side to see what awaited us. We have over a foot of snow!

Nick watching daddy clean of his car. Don't you like the plumbers crack?
Can I taste it mommy?

Nick loved the snow until he lost one of his gloves and his hand got wet! We tried to build a snowman, but it is definitely not packing snow!

2009-01-27T09:46:00.002-06:00

It has been a while since I posted. I have a lot to catch up on.

I started a new semester on the 20th and can tell you that by far this is my most exciting! I get OB for 8 weeks and then Med-Surg! I really wanted to specialize in OB to begin with, but when my mom got sick I thought I was interested in Oncology. Being in clinicals for OB have shown me what I really want to do! It is great!
Nick is having a little problem with the potty. When he is at daycare he does great! When he comes home I constantly remind him to use the potty. He does okay, but then every evening he poops on his floor....takes off his clothes and poops on the floor EVERY NIGHT. He even took his clothes off one day and peed on his bed. We put him on the potty at the same time every night because that just seems to be his schedule. Didn't help I am not sure what to do anymore. I have tried time-out, and taking things away, but then I remind myself he is only two.
We have mice....We set traps and caught two, but now they are getting smart. I set three traps and laced them with peanut butter. In the morning when I check them the peanut butter is gone but no mice! I got the sticky pads and still no mice. GRRR!
My 30th birthday was great! It started out kinda shaky because I didn't receive my yearly anticipated call from mom, but I got many wonderful birthday wishes from so many people! My husband even got me a $100 gift card to Victorias Secret...guess the Granny Panties aren't doing it for him anymore!
I am so excited about the snow. We have not had snow yet this season. Nick has never been able to play in the snow so I can't wait to take him outside. We just have to wait for the sleet to stop.

Sarah Sellz Giveaway!

2009-01-27T00:08:00.001-06:00

I love giveaways...I never win, but alway compete. My friend Sarah is having a giveaway. Purses, accesories, etc. She has great merchandise! I have purchased a few and have NEVER been disappointed. Check out her blog and leave a comment for your chance to win.

http://sarahsplayground1.blogspot.com/

GOOD LUCK!

2009-01-16T08:50:00.003-06:00

In two days I will be turning the big 3-0. I am just sure my husband has some extravagant surpise party planned for me for this big milestone. (yeah right!) I hear so many people talk about being scared to turn thirty. To me thirty is just another number. I say bring it on. I feel like thirty marks a time of change and new beginnings in my life and honestly I welcome them. I thought I would try to post thirty things you may not know about me or that I would like to change about myself in honor of this big day.

I played in the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas in 2005. I was able to meet some of the big wigs you see on TV. It was really cool.
On August 15th, 2005 I had to have half of my liver removed because of tumors that weighed nearly eight pounds. They were caused from birth control pills. I was in the hospital for 7 days and am now unable to ever wear a bikini again because of the scarring. The doctors told me that I would never be able to have children.....three months later I was pregnant.
I feel guilty about not being able to spend a lot of quality time with Nick while I am in school.
I let my husband (for the most part) chose my sons name...Nicklaus Tiger....I get to name the next child.
I have baby fever, BAD!
I miss my mom today as much as I did the day she died.
I have a facebook page. It is kind of addicting, but I feel like maybe I'm too old for something like that?
I enjoy drinking wine. Especially dry, reds.
I am really close to my family. For those of you who know my family, enough said.
I like to watch forensic shows. They give me nightmares, but I watch them anyway. The crazier the better
I miss my friends from Newton. I wish I had not lost touch with them. In the new year I want to do my best to keep up better.
Sometimes I need to take a step back and realize that Nick is only 2. I could be a better parent.
When I go to the store, I try to purchase things that are organic as long as I can fit them into our budget. Dang it is expensive.
I also try to buy everything whole grain. Expensive too
I have numerous "green" shopping bags, but I ALWAYS forget them. You would think I would use the paper bags, but no I opt for the plastic. Something I need to work on.
I got many, many nice things for Christmas, but my favorite things were my gift cards to Starbucks.
I love to cook, but we eat out alot.
We very rarely sit at the kitchen table to eat supper. Usually it is in front of the TV. This is something I should change now while Nick is still young and receptive.
I love to grill and eat outside on my patio. I would love to get my husband to share this passion.
I fly off the handle very easily. This is a big downfall of mine.
I am a purse fanatic.....Thanks Sarah. You help keep this guilty pleasure of mine alive!
I have had Nicks pictures taken a few times, but NEVER for his birthdays. I am very disappointed about that. This year he will have 3 year old pictures. We have never had a family picture taken either.
I would like to know how to post a link without typing www.etc.
I wish my mom would come to me in a dream. Other people tell me she has come to them, but why not me?
I love to read. Mostly non fiction and autobiographies.
My house is always messy. I try so hard to keep it clean, but with a two year old and a dog it is sooooooo hard.
I have fantastic In-Laws who are helping me get through school.
I still have some Christmas decorations up.
I am thinking about selling Longaberger.
I want to find a Church. I continue to say this, but for some reason don't follow through. It is not like back home where you would know every face you saw when you walked in. This is the one thing I want to change this year.

2009-01-16T08:46:00.001-06:00

After reading Jamee's post about being addicted to caffeine, I got a real chuckle when my friend Rachel (who is addicted as well) sent me this picture in an email. I thought I would post it for Jamee. Wow, two posts on my blog in a week. You must be pretty special :)

For Jamee

2009-01-15T11:18:00.002-06:00

Crispy Chicken Parmesan

1 chicken, cut up and skinned

1 1/4 c. Miracle whip salad dressing

2 c. Cornflakes

1 c. grated Parmesan

1/4 tsp. pepper

Heat oven to 350. Brush chicken with salad dressing. Mix crumbs, cheese and pepper and coat chicken. Place on baking sheet and bake for one hour or until tender.

Heidelberg Soup

5 medium potatoes, diced

3 medium onions, diced

cook in 4 cups of water. After boiling for one minute add 1 pkg of frozen mixed vegetables and cook for 3 -5 minutes. Add 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup and 1 lb of Velveeta. Cook until cheese is melted and veggies are tender.

Have you had a chance to try any of these recipes yet? Let us know how they are.

NOT AGAIN!!!!

2009-01-15T09:57:00.002-06:00

Woke up to:

frozen pipes

the nastiest, dirtiest pull up ever

and then

I got puked on....again!!!

Please go away flu bug.

We Have the Bug

2009-01-11T11:05:00.005-06:00

The last couple of days have been...well, lets just say filled with way too many bodily fluids. On Wednesday I started to have a really sharp pain in my stomach. I couldn't get comfortable in any position. By Friday I could barely stand the pain so I called the doctor as soon as I woke up. I ended up having a cat scan because they were worried about my appendix. Thank goodness that was not the case. I have a cyst on my ovary that is causing me pain. I also had a touch of the flu bug. FUN! The in-laws offered to keep Nick on Friday night so I could rest. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

6:30 am Ryan's phone rings. Nick has been throwing up since midnight. GRRRR! The in-laws bring him home and even though I am not well myself I get up to care for my little man. I offered him fluids, but as soon as they would hit his stomach (I mean instantly) up it would come. He could not keep anything down. He was beginning to look quite dehydrated. I called the physicians exchange and they suggested he be seen at Children's. So we made the trip to STL. After a bag of fluids and some anti-nausea medicine, Nick was a whole new child. All was good through the rest of the evening and he even slept in his own bed. No more episodes. I was thankful for that and thought the worst was over.....WRONG!

Nick came into our room at about 7am with the same symptoms. Thank goodness the Doc sent home some of that fantastic medicine. All is well with Nick, but now I have a bigger baby to care for...Ryan has the flu!

Fantastic Giveaway!!!!!

2009-01-10T07:09:00.003-06:00

My blogger buddy Christina is getting ready to start up her own custom web design business....

You can go to her website to register for a chance to win one of your very own.......

What's included:

2 or 3 column layout

Custom background and colors

Custom header with or without pictures of your choice

Custom post signature

It was really hard to post this because I really want to win, but visit her for your chance to win!

http://christinagblogspot.blogspot.com/

Twenty minutes of my night last night.....

2009-01-04T10:21:00.003-06:00

Okay...So last night was one of those nights. It was around 9:30 pm and Ryan was on his way home from his friends house. Nick was crabby from not having a nap all day and I decided it was time to go to bed. I set his sleep timer so he could watch Oswald to fall asleep. (I know, I know, kids shouldn't watch so much TV) Anyway, when the TV kicked off out came Nick. No clothes like normal. He really likes to undress himself when he doesn't want to go to bed. So I step into his dark room and feel something warm squish between my toes. About that time the smell hits me. I do the one legged hop to the light switch only to notice he has pooped on his floor and I stepped in it. This is not the first time he has done this either. GRRRRRRR! So I hop to the bathroom set Nick on the pot, clean myself and my son up and proceed to clean up his floor. I get Nick dressed and back to bed, once again turning on the TV sleep timer. I kiss him good night and close his door. I no more than sit on the couch when I hear this very loud crash. My motherly instinct told me exactly what had happened. I ran to Nick's bedroom to find a screaming, terrified child. He had tried to climb on his dresser to mess with his tv and the dresser and TV both fell over. He came out of the situation with only minor scrapes on his ankle and leg. I have NEVER been so scared in my life. He continued to assure me that "I will neber do dat adin mommy! Dat sdared me." I know my mom and God had to be watching out for him last night.

Welcome Home Uncle Jesse!

2009-01-02T14:25:00.009-06:00

Here is a video of my Uncle Jesse's homecoming from overseas. He has been there quite some time and now is able to spend two weeks at home before returning on the 15th of this month. I am so glad he is home safe and sound with his family

The newest member

2009-01-01T01:45:00.005-06:00

Hello everyone...meet Sushi, our new pet beta fish!

Probably not the greatest name

in the world for a fish, but hey a little humor is always welcome!

Nick loves him...he was so excited to get him that he shook him up at pet smart and made him throw up. Didn't know that fish could throw up, but let me tell you they do!

Here's to Sushi!

Prayers Please

2008-12-31T18:05:00.002-06:00

Ryan's good friend Adam lost his father today to a heart attack. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers!

Birthday Wishes

2008-12-31T09:25:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday to my friend Rachel. I hope you have a wonderful day filled with lots of surprises!

Girls Christmas Party

2008-12-30T16:10:00.011-06:00

Here are some pictures from the 5th annual girls Christmas party that I attended on December 15th. This is only my second year, but hope to go to many more. We started the night out with appetizers galore. Everything was sooooo good. We then had a wine tasting. I think we finished about 15 bottles of wine. It was harder this year than last year because we added two more wines. We all exchanged gifts and had a Merry time. Thanks Jen for hosting. Can't wait till next year!

The wine tasting.
Mandy and Rachel

Megan, Rachel and Mandy

Mandy, me, Megan, Jen, Marcy, and Karrie

same as above...remove me add Rachel.(someone had to take the pic)

Rachel and Marcy enjoying their wine.

Don't know whats going on here.

Playing the Wii. Notice the pink lump in the couch. That's Marcy not feeling so hot.

I think I whooped up on Rachel in tennis!

Hooter of a good time

2008-12-30T16:03:00.005-06:00

Well, since we don't live in "Northern Illinois", we rarely get a Bears game on TV. We called about the NFL package and it was CRAZY expensive. We decided on Sunday to take the family to Hooters for some hot wings and football. Nick loves to flirt with the girls....he knows he gets balloons. Although the game didn't turn out like we had hoped, we still had a good time. Here are a few pics.

checking out the drink menu...
A smile and his eyes open...miracle. Oh yeah, I have converted him to a Bears fan FINALLY!

Showing me his menu

Some may think this is gross, but I think it is kinda funny. A new habit he picked up from daycare. I had no idea he was picking his nose until I looked through the pictures.

2008-12-30T13:49:00.001-06:00

Giving my blog a facelift. Hope to post a few things later!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T13:42:00.002-06:00

Christmas is supposed to be a magical time of family and fellowship. This year I have struggled to get into the spirit at all. I have so many things to be thankful for, but continue to wonder when things will get easier. Today as I watch all of the children around me enjoying the season I pray that one day they will understand the real reason for the season.

Today I think about all of those who need prayers that may help them to make it through this day.

To my brother and his family. Mom has always been so proud of all of you. She loved her grand boys more than anything.

To my step dad Mike. Thank you for loving my mom unconditionally. She was so lucky to have someone like you in her life. You truly brought her so much joy.

To Mamaw's sweet pea (Nick). May you someday know just how much your mamaw loved you. May her memories become real to you someday.

To Kathy, Tisha and Jesse. I know this has to be one of the hardest days of your lives. Every first holiday seems to really take a toll when you are unable to spend it with the one you are missing the most.

To my blogger friend Christina. I am thinking of you so much on this holiday. This is by far the hardest. I hope you enjoy your time in Disney!

To Betsy and Olivia. Words cannot even begin to express how sorry I am for this tremendous loss. You are continually in our thoughts and prayers.

To all who have loved ones who are unable to be with us today. Keep their memories alive and cherish those who are still with us.

Merry Christmas.

2008-12-23T09:26:00.003-06:00

Please Pray for the Riedle family.

I did it!!!!

2008-12-15T23:45:00.001-06:00

Well I passed my first semester without a hitch. I really can't believe it. Only 45 weeks to go and I am an RN! I cant wait, but never imagined how hard it would be. There were 88 people selected out of almost 500. Only 36 still remain in my class! Wheeww...so glad I made it!

Our Advent Calendar

2008-12-10T15:43:00.003-06:00

I saw this idea in a magazine and had to try it out. I have looked for Advent calendars everywhere and they are either too expensive or extremely cheap. We took Saran wrap, Hershey's kisses and ribbon and made our own. Everyday Nick gets to cut a kiss off and help count down the days till Christmas. He thinks it is pretty cool that he gets candy everyday, but hopefully in a few years he will understand the true meaning behind it....

Nicks Christmas Program

2008-12-10T15:35:00.009-06:00

I didn't realize that two year olds had Christmas programs, but I guess they do. Nick had his very first stage appearance for school. After looking over the pictures I am beginning to wonder why I didn't buy Amber's camera! They leave much to be desired. It works fine in the light or outside, but SUCKS if you take pictures inside. Well anyway the kids even got a visit from the big guy after their performance. It was a really cute program. Lots of kids jumping around ringing jingle bells and singing off cue.

Thanks Dranma

2008-12-10T15:24:00.006-06:00

Ryan finally got me into the mood to put our tree up. We even decorated the outside. We did not have lights to go outside so we made a trip to Lowe's. We purchased some lights and a few decorations. "Dranma" Linda showed up while we were shopping and Nick ran directly to her and said with a pleading voice, "Oh Dranma i really want this". This happened to be a Santa Express Train set to go under the tree. Well Dranma couldn't resist little mans pleas. Here are a few pictures of Nick enjoying his new train.

Life

2008-12-08T23:39:00.002-06:00

Life can come at you so fast. Things hit you as if you were speeding at a brick wall at 100 mph. I stop myself and wonder where in the hell do I get off? I just cannot believe that after only 4 short months this is happening again. When I face my aunt and cousins for the first time what do I say to them? How can I tell them things will get better when they are far from better for me? I feel so much for my aunt right now that I cannot even begin to tell you. She lost her father in April of 07, her sister in Aug of 08 and now her husband. My cousins lost their aunt only 4 short months ago. I really feel like I am in a dream. I want to be strong for all of them, but at the same time all the feelings are coming rushing back. The emptiness... oh the emptiness. I just want to wrap my arms around Tisha and tell her it will be okay, but deep down I know honestly it wont be for a very long time. I just hope they all know how much I truly love them all.

Please Prayer for my Family

2008-12-08T16:32:00.003-06:00

Please pray for my Aunt Kathy and cousins Tisha and Jesse. Although I do not know many details yet, my Uncle Scott passed away suddenly this morning. This is such a sad time for my family. Please keep us in your prayers.

P.S. Could someone please wake me when the tragedy is over in my family...Will it ever stop?

The Santa Claus Parade

2008-12-05T16:38:00.007-06:00

Belleville has an annual Santa Claus parade the day after Thanksgiving. This year Nick and I attended with my friend Jessica and her twin daughters Maya and Finnley. It was a really fun time. They even threw out stuffed animals. Nick loved it. He didn't seem to mind the cold at all.

Anxiously awaiting the parade.
Maya, Finnley, and Zoey

Nicks favorite part: the fire twuck

The Grinch

Wheres my candy?

The Big Guy himself....

Da Bears

2008-12-04T15:00:00.014-06:00

Here are the pictures from the Bears games we went to for anniversary.

Cousins Weekend

2008-12-04T14:49:00.011-06:00

A couple weekends before Thanksgiving, Ryan and I hosted the first annual cousins weekend at our house. We had such a good time. We played a little family feud, ate some great food and laughed until we cried. Here are a few pics of our night.

this was actually the end of the night not the beginning.
The girls in rare form at Big Daddy's on The Landing. Notice kiley had to change shirts.

Kiley and Steve

Kiley in a hat

Me and my little bubba

The gangs all here.

Me and Tisha

Michael hanging from the rails on the metro. We always knew he had a little monkey in him. The conductor actually stopped the train and asked him to please sit down. Opps!

The boys before they hit the town.

The girls before they hit the town.

Kiley and Tisha.

Trip to the ER

2008-11-29T09:04:00.003-06:00

This is Nick. Accident prone Nick. Poor guy gets it honestly from his mommy. Yesterday while I was cleaning the house this happened. I walked around the corner from the kitchen to the living room. Noggin is on, but a little boy is missing. As I scan the floor I find a trail.....dirty pull up....pants.....socks.......shoes. I follow the trail to find Nick on the potty. Little man got himself on the potty and was in the process of finishing up i suppose, although by the looks of the diaper there was not much left to finish. Anyway...I congratulate him on being such a big boy but remind him he needs to go before he does so in his pants. He asks me to please leave the bathroom. (Guess he needs his privacy too) As he is waving me off he leans too far forward and takes a face plant to our ceramic tile. As I pick him up blood begins pouring out of his mouth. I inspect it but cant see much. Well off to the ER we went just in case. I was mostly concerned with his two front teeth because they would not quit bleeding. Well needless to say all is well and we escaped the ER once again with no stitches or missing teeth. Very lucky we are!

2008-11-27T00:11:00.003-06:00

Well it is officially Thanksgiving and I should be in bed. However I cannot sleep. So many thoughts are running through my mind right now. So many thoughts about how it used to be. I feel like I am so empty inside. Like something is truly missing from my life. Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of my all time favorite times of the year. Family, friends, turkey...that's what I should be focusing on. I can't though. I continue to remind myself that my best friend is no longer here. My mom will never be here again to share with me the memories that should be made. I tried all day to keep myself busy, to forget about the memory of my mother. To forget about what it is going to be like to celebrate this holiday without her there. I just cannot forget. I miss her voice. I miss calling her to tell her the silly things that happened throughout the day. People tell me to just talk to her, but I can't. I want to physically talk to her. I want her to answer me back. It is not that I don't believe that she can hear me or even that she is near, but it is not the same at all. Christmas and Thanksgiving were my mothers all time favorite holidays and without her here it is just not the same. I don't even want to put up a tree but I know that I need to be strong for Nick. I just don't know how to pull myself together.

Mama:

I miss you more than you could ever know. I miss that when I wake up tomorrow I will not have a voicemail from you. One that says..."good morning beautiful. I just wanted to be the first to tell you Happy Thanksgiving. Make sure you kiss my little sweetpea for me."

I need your strength now more than ever.

Manda

I am sorry to be such a downer on a time that should be so joyful, but sometimes this is the only way for me to get things out and release the sorrow that I feel. I miss my mom so much. Please pray that I make it through this day and become a stronger person because of it.

To Jack....

2008-11-26T16:08:00.003-06:00

Congratulations Jack on your new little brother. Take good care of him. I hope you aren't too disappointed that his name is not Chuck, Chuck. I personally think Harrision is a fantastic name!

Turkey Day Cookies...Created by Nick!

2008-11-26T14:14:00.004-06:00

Nick and I made these cookies today for tomorrows big feast. His daycare instructor sent home the instructions and I just had to try it. It was so much fun. Gobble, Gobble and a Happy Turkey day to all!

Happy Anniversary...

2008-11-17T12:44:00.002-06:00

Today is my two year anniversary. I just want to wish my husband a wonderful day. He is taking me to the Bears/Rams game on Sunday to celebrate. We got a room in the same hotel that the Bears will be staying in. I am soooo excited. We are going down on Saturday to stay and go out to eat somewhere...Hopefully Edmonds 15. I would love to eat sushi, but my husband will not go for that. Anyway I hope you have a fantastic day today Ryan...and here is to many, many more.

I Love You!

Daycare: Day Three

2008-11-14T12:41:00.004-06:00

Today was day three of Nicks new daycare. He went to bed quite early last night. I think it is starting to wear him out being at school for most of the day. Well when he goes to bed early he tends to get up early. So we decided to start out the day with a little snuggle time in bed while watching Noggin and eating powdered donuts. (Although he did ask for matawoni and cheese again) I got his bath ready after breakfast in bed and then proceeded to get him ready. I fixed his hair and of course he asked for a "splash of cologne". Gotta smell like daddy. Now Ryan absolutely hates it when I give Nick the Mohawk. I on the other hand love it. (see pics below) Everything was great, except the weather. We pulled into the parking lot and little man asked where all his people were. I told him they were already in class. He asked me if we could please say hi to the three little fish fish by the front door and of course I told him that was a great idea. We buzzed ourselves in and he walked to say hello to his aquatic friends. We then proceeded down the hall to the "Cookie Monsters" room. When we walked in he was fine. I signed his name on the sign in sheet and told him how much I loved him and that I would see him at Mommy time.(4pm) As I was trying to let him down I felt the all to familiar clench of little hands around my arm. Then came the tears. OH NO! Please not again. Miss Jenny took Nick and reassured him I would be back before he knew it and that it was time for music. Side note: everyone commented on how much they LOVED his hair! Music was not enough. My little man cried for me. I had to turn around and leave. The funny thing is though that I do not get that little sick to my stomach feeling when I leave him in the hands of Miss Jenny like I did at the other place. I called a few minutes ago and they assured me he was much better...eating, playing, and interacting with all the other kids.I just hope this time he starts to adjust better. They suggested that maybe we bump him up to 5 days vs 3 in order to get him into more of a routine....any suggestions? Oh and what do you think about the hair?

Breakfast conversation follow up!

2008-11-14T12:38:00.004-06:00

matawoni and cheese with a side of eggs

Looks yummy......
Dats dood Mommy!

Breakfast conversation

2008-11-13T11:23:00.002-06:00

Mommy: Nick Nick what would you like for breakfast?

Nick: I would like matawoni and cheese

Daddy: You cant have macaroni and cheese for breakfast. How bout eggs?

Nick: I would like matawoni and eggs.

Mommy: With cheese?

Nick: Yes pweese mommy.

Daddy: How bout just eggs?

Nick: Matawoni and eggs.

Mommy: You can have what ever you want for breakfast.

Needless to say he had macaroni and cheese with a side of eggs for breakfast. At least he got part of his dairy consumption for the day.....

2008-11-11T18:37:00.005-06:00

Just a few random pics I found on my camera.

Halloween was HOW long ago?

2008-11-11T13:49:00.003-06:00

Here are a few pics of Nick in his Halloween costume. In case you can't tell he is the cutest pirate ever!

New locker, new friends, new daycare

2008-11-11T09:25:00.002-06:00

After many days of Nick screaming and yelling before we even got into the car to go to school and the all expected leg clench that absolutely broke my heart, we have found a new daycare. Something about Nick's old daycare just rubbed both Ryan and I the wrong way. After well over a month it seems like Nick really should have been becoming comfortable with his school. I am not sure what happened there, but he was not happy there at all.

He is now enrolled in St. Henry's Creative Learning Center. We took him a few times to meet the staff and other children and he was a completely different child. He did not cry when Ryan and I walked away from him. He interacted with the other children. He even told us yesterday when we went that we Mommy and Daddy could go home and leave him there.

It really makes me feel guilty for leaving him in the other school so long before taking him out. I just dropped him off at the other school and it was so much easier. He seemed to just seem more comfortable. I really hope this works out.

Still Here

2008-11-10T23:34:00.001-06:00

I'm still around I promise. I am finally quit my job on Saturday so along with more time to study I should have more time to post. I miss all of you desperately! Hope to post something fun soon!

2008-10-28T23:23:00.002-05:00

I have been tagged!

Here are the rules:1. Post the rules on your blog.2. Write 6 random things about yourself.3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post(or as many as you want)4. If you are tagged, do it and pass the tag along.5. Enjoy

1. I am so overwhelmed with school right now that I wonder if I am going to make it.

2. I inherited my mothers sewing machine and would love to quilt, but do not know how to .

3. My husband is asleep right now and has no idea I am up adding posts to my blog. He would be very disappointed that I am not studying.

4. I do not get to cook the foods I like because my husband only eats meat and potatoes.

Veggies....forget about it. I am dying to have some type of vegetables in my life.

5. I have lost 15 pounds since my moms funeral. It is not that I am trying not to eat....I just do not have an appetite. (boy do I miss her)

6. I really miss living in a small town and being close to my friends and family!

I am supposed to tag six people now:

Must love tots

Just one more thing

Will I am

Let me tell ya something

Living Our Simple Life

Volkman Family

Daycare

2008-10-28T23:13:00.001-05:00

Nick started day care a few weeks ago. It has been too much for me to keep him at home while I try to study. I am not making the grades I would like and am missing out on family time. With much contemplation we have decided that quiting my part time job is what is best for our family at this time. I will be able to study more and Nick will be building a very secure structure for school in the future. Unfortunately, Nick does not like school. He cries when his dad or I drop him off and seems way to excited when we pick him up. It has been very hard to make this transition. We have decided that we need to look for another school to make sure it is right for Nick at this time. I really hope that what we choose is in the best interest of our child. Any suggestions? Remember he is only two years old.

So Long Cardinals Season

2008-10-28T23:03:00.004-05:00

I have promised this post for a long time. However I have been sooo busy with work, school etc that I have not held up on my commitment. Here are a few pictures from the ballgame where I got to meet Dawn from Must Love Tots and HH (Yes girls I know he looks like Albert, but he is TAKEN!) I was so glad to meet Dawn. She is such a sweetheart. We both decided that maybe we should have a commencement of the bloggers. If anyone is interested let me know! It would be a great time. I am sure we have so much to talk about!

Dawn and HH

Me, Dawn and Nick

Dawn and HH

Nick

One of the very few pictures where Ryan doesn't have his eyes closed! AMAZING!

The Great Debate

2008-10-18T20:14:00.002-05:00

I have voted since the time I turned 18. I have always voted Democrat. My husband and I watch the debates. For some reason he is not on the Obama train. That is fine. He is American and has is right to opinion. However....He gets mad at me when I say I am voting or even for Obama. I continue to tell him that I have a privilege as an American to vote which every way I chose. He tells me we need to pack our bags now then so that we can move to Canada. I think this will remain a hot topic in our house for some time.

Happy Birthday Jamee!

2008-10-15T12:10:00.001-05:00

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Catching Up

2008-10-15T11:54:00.002-05:00

Wow things have been a little crazy here.

Started clinicals finally. So much studying I am usually not sure where to start.
I broke down and bought one of those "rolling backpacks". A case of....you know your old when...
Nick started Daycare on Monday. I made Ryan take him. I wanted to be the one to pick him up so that I was not the bad guy.
A lady at work has discovered she has a large tumor that has to be removed, so she will be out of work for sometime. I am picking up some of the extra hours.
I am trying to get my house clean. After being out of it for 51 days it is almost impossible to catch up. Almost like moving in all over again.
I met Dawn from Must Love Tots as well as "HH" at a baseball game sometime back and am just now posting about it. She is as terrific in person as she is online. I hope we get to hang out again soon!
I am not making A's in my classes. I am very disappointed. I know I can do better than this.
I miss my mom more and more every single day. It is the little things that make me cry randomly. I put on a sweatshirt the other day and it smelled just like her....I lost it. I just miss her.
I need to start my Christmas shopping. For some reason I am really in NO mood whatsoever for the holidays. Bah Humbug! Plus I have to work Thanksgiving any way.
I miss blogging and hope to do more of it soon.

We Are Back

2008-10-09T14:57:00.001-05:00

After 51 long, long days, we are finally back in our house. I have so many things to blog about that I honestly don't know where to start. I hope to take a few pics this evening so that I can let you all see the progress. I am so happy with how it turned out. Much better than I even expected. No more hotel living for the Martins....unless there is a vacation involved that is.

Thank You!

2008-10-07T23:17:00.003-05:00

Thank to all of you how donated in behalf of my mother while i participated in the Strides for a Cure Walk. I raised over $1000 and the donations are still pouring in. My mother would be so happy to know that so many of you care enough to try to help fight this horrendous disease. The walk raised over $70,000 and this was the first year. I plan to partake in this event next year as well. Maybe I will make my goal $2000.

Thanks again. I cannot tell you what it means for you to support this cause.

Strides for a cure....

2008-09-27T15:18:00.002-05:00

On October 4, I am participating in a walk to help raise money strictly for breast cancer. When my mom passed away, I promised her that I would do whatever I could to help raise money or bring awareness. This event came to my attention through our Student Nurses Association and will be at my school. I am trying to raise money in my mothers honor and donate it in her name. If you could like to donate pleas click on the link below and check out my personal page.
Any contribution is greatly appreciated.
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCBlueprint?px=6019573&pg=personal&fr_id=11691

2008-09-23T22:03:00.003-05:00

Tonight my family and I got to enjoy a beautiful night at the ballpark. We ate hot dogs and brats, peanuts, and swigged down a few ice cold cokes. We watched a future hall of fame pitcher (Randy Johnson) get hammered by the Cardinals bats. I wonder if any of you have been to the ballpark lately. Normally my husband and I go about thirty times a year, but with school and everything else this year I have only been able to go a few times. Well tonight I saw something amazing. The beer vendors now accept all major credit cards. They carry a little credit card machine on the side of thier belt like you would a cell phone. Vendor + Credit Card Machine = AWESOME! Now you don't have to leave the comfort of your seat if you want a beer and don't carry cash. I still cannot believe my eyes.

We had a fantastic night although we had to leave a little early because little man was running a bit of a temperature. Sure hope he is not getting sick because honestly I just don't have the time for it.

Till Next Time.....

Happy Birthday Mom!

2008-09-20T10:06:00.002-05:00

Today would have been my mom's 47th birthday. It has been a really tough week for me anticipating this day. I wish I had a picture to post, but we are still not home so all of my pictures of course are there. I miss my mom tremendously, but I know she is in a much better place than you or I.

I love you mom....Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Linda!

2008-09-16T18:50:00.001-05:00

Thoughts and Prayers

2008-09-16T18:41:00.003-05:00

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of Dorothy Chapman. She lost her battle with cancer early Monday morning. She had ovarian cancer. She was also a very strong woman. To give you a glimpse of that, she attended my mothers visitation and funeral all the while knowing what she was facing. I feel for her children and significant other. I cannot express to you how sorry I am for your loss. Just know that I am here if you need ANYTHING!

Fun With Aunt Judy

2008-09-09T14:44:00.011-05:00

Nick had the pleasure of visiting with Aunt Judy twice in a week last week. She watched Nick one day for us when Linda had a Doctors appointment and Ryan and I were at work and school. Nick just adores Aunt Judy. Last night when I asked him who he thought was coming to our house (Grandma and Papa) he got really excited and said "Aunt Judy"? It was really cute. Well Aunt Judy emailed me some pictures of their time together so I wanted to make sure to post a few. By the way...He loves his boogie board!

Two Year Check Up

2008-09-06T01:31:00.004-05:00

Although it has been almost three weeks ago, Nick had his two year check up. It is so hard to believe that this little man is two already. Time really does fly by. I absolutely love our pediatrician Dr. Young. Not only is she very professional, but she has children of her own. this make me feel much more comfortable when she can tell me things that are up with my child. Nick loves her. She gives him a new book every time we see her. Nick had lost a little weight since the last visit, so Dr. Young suggested spicing up his potatoes with a little sour cream and butter as well as a few other tips. She also said it is time to switch toothpastes and start introducing Flinstone vitamins. I am very excited about that. I was a little sad to learn that we will not see Dr. Young until Nick is three years old, unless of course Nick is sick. This really saddens me to think my little boy is that old already. Thanks Dr. Young for the great pointers along the way!

Crazy Train

2008-09-06T01:24:00.002-05:00

All I can say is that life has been crazy. We are still living in a hotel waiting for our house to be finished. They FINALLY started construction two days ago. The bill came in from the restoration crew and they charged us $10,000 dollars. Yes $10,000 dollars. They are CRAZY if they think they deserve that much money to rip out wet flooring and carpet while they destroyed our cabinets and other belongings.....

I am completely tired of hotel living. The vacation was fun for a while, but to be honest I am ready to be back to reality. September 3 was the 1 month anniversary of my mama's death. I was really hoping things would be somewhat back to normal by then...boy was I wrong. School is very trying. I absolutely love it, but it takes so much of my time i feel like I am neglecting my husband and child. I was warned in the beginning it would be like this, but for some reason I really did not want to believe them.

I really miss posting on my blog on a regular basis, but once we are back in the house I think it will become routine again. I miss you all and look forward to catching you up on our CRAZY life!

Randomness

2008-08-28T23:14:00.003-05:00

What a week it has been. To be quite honest it has been hard. I think that the numbness I felt of my mothers death has really started to wear off and the reality has started to kick in. I feel extremely guilty that I have not gotten all thank you cards sent out yet, but rest assure I am working on them.

I started the fall semester of nursing classes and fully realize how much of a challenge they will be. In the first week I have 13 chapters and 5 study guides to complete. I finally started back to work. To be honest I am thankful for the normalcy and routine I am presented with.

I have started to learn "skills" in one of my classes and thoroughly enjoy it. It is nice to get away from strictly book work and move on to a more hands on type of learning.

Time seems to be going so fast and I feel the pain of not being able to keep my mom updated on my process. I miss her more than words could ever say, but know she is here with me through this journey.

Till next time!

Angel....When he is sleeping!

2008-08-27T23:09:00.004-05:00

Bedtime has been quite the dilemma since living in a hotel. With only one room it is really hard to make things easy and comfortable enough for Nick to fall asleep on his own. We brought the pack n play, but he has become smart enough to finally crawl out of that. To be quit honest I am surprised that did not happen months ago. Needless to say although bedtime used to be around 8:30 it is now whenever the heck he feels like falling asleep. We put him in bed and he wonders back out to the living room saying " I sawy mommy and daddy". We can't help but laugh. Well last night around 11:00 pm we had finally had enough. We put him in the pack n play, turned of the tv and and closed the door. He cried for maybe two minutes. We could not believe he fell asleep so quickly...FINALLY! Well about thirty minutes later when we decided to go to be, this is what we found.

The little stink just can't stay out of our bed. We have never let him sleep with us. We just did not want to get in that habit. Now I feel sorry for him. Even if we put him in his little bed, we wake up the next morning with feet in our face or ribs. It is so hard to say no or be angry at a face like this!

The Next Michael Phelps?

2008-08-27T22:31:00.003-05:00

The upside of living in a hotel seems to be the fact that we are able to go to the pool when ever we want. Nick is not afraid of the water what so ever. As you can see I am afraid for him. We bundle him up in all his swimming gear and let him go. He does NOT like for us to help him or be very near him in the water. I think I am going to try to get him into some swimming lessons this winter at the Y. He is a little fish. I am glad he is not afraid of the water, but wonder what it will be like next year if we don't keep him in touch with water throughout the winter.

gearing up
making his way down the ladder

Gotta love the goggles! He put them on himself.

Birthday Fun

2008-08-23T10:46:00.007-05:00

Random birthday pictures from Nicks birthday at Chevy's. There is a tradition in the Martin household that the entire week of your birthday, if you go out to eat you are going to be sang to. This is the picture from PaPa taking him out to eat.

Happy Birthday to My Little Man!

2008-08-19T09:47:00.002-05:00

Seems like just yesterday I was bringing Nick home from the hospital. Now he walks, talks and has a personality all his own. I wonder where the time went. We had a very small party for him last night with just Ryan, my mother in law and I. With all that has happened there was just not time to plan a party. I feel really bad but on the other hand am thankful he is only two. Next year there will be a blow out!

Happy Birthday baby boy! We love you!

Xander, Nick and Pujols' ESPY

2008-08-16T18:55:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I met some of my family at the Arch. My Aunt Leslie and her family were passing through on their way to take my Aunt Jan half way back home after the funeral. We all had a great time at the Arch and then proceeded to Albert Pujols restaurant in West Port Plaza. The food there is really good and the prices are really quite reasonable. After finishing our meal we went to the check out to see the souvenirs. A man (quite possibly the manager) asked if the kids would like to hold and have their pictures taken with Albert's ESPY. Happily we replied yes and the kids were ecstatic!

Nick's new ride

2008-08-16T18:51:00.005-05:00

This post is waaaayyyy over due, but Grandma and Papa bought Nick and early birthday gift. He loves it so much as you can see he even rides it naked.

Destruction!

2008-08-16T15:40:00.010-05:00

Just wanted you all to get a glimpse of the destruction at our house. I had not been there for a few days as Ryan was taking care of everything. I was shocked when I got there.

Our "New" Home

2008-08-15T16:25:00.003-05:00

The hotel life really is not too bad after all. We live right next to the pool and hot tub, have breakfast made for us every single morning, and even have a happy hour every evening.

Breakfast is not just cereal and donuts. It includes waffles, french toast, scrabbled eggs, biscuits and gravy, sausage as well as many other choices. Every night we get to enjoy happy hour. This does not just include adults as children are welcome too. Ryan and I get to enjoy three free adult beverages and Nick is welcome to soda, juices and milk. In addition there is a spread of wonderful snack food including nachos with everything you could want, veggies and dip, chips, popcorn and snack mixes. Who would have thought that living in a hotel would have such perks. I am sure that it will get old after a while. I am really glad we have an indoor/outdoor pool as well as a hot tub. I invite anyone who would like to visit to please do so and and take advantage of all that has been offered to us. Since we are going to be here so long the front desk has already given us the okay. I plan on going to the house in the next few days to take some pictures to post and let you all see our destruction.

Water Update

2008-08-13T22:02:00.003-05:00

We are now officially residents of the Drury Inn and Suites of Fairview Heights. After consulting with the contractor we are out of our house for 3 to 4 weeks.

Not only do we have to completely redo the kitchen, but now the bathroom and the living room are involved. The contractor estimated that after all is said and done we are looking at around $15,000 worth of damage.

This should almost total our house. WOW! Unthinkable. I am wondering want in the world we will do for the next few weeks living in a hotel.

I had family coming over tomorrow and sadly they will not be able to make it. I was really looking forward to the fun we would have had to help me keep my mind off of things for a while. I will update you more tomorrow after I meet with the contractor and adjuster. Wish me luck!

Floating Away!

2008-08-13T14:07:00.003-05:00

So things are starting to somewhat get back to normal. I have my nephew Xander with me for the week. We went to the zoo yesterday and had a really good time. Rachel and Taylor treated us to lunch at the Boathouse! It was fantastic. We were able to get a table by the water so the kids could feed the ducks while we ate.

Low and behold though something had to happen. At 6:20 am I am pulled out of a deep sleep by the sound of my husbands voice saying OMG! I asked him what was wrong (normally his is very quite and tries to not wake me while he is getting ready for work). I get up to look for myself and realize our entire kitchen and most of our living room is flooded.

We had a plumber come to our house on Monday to fix out toilet and hook our ice machine up. Well apparently he bumped something and after a few days the hot water line under our kitchen sink came apart. Needless to say it could have been running for hours. It was not like that when I went to bed at midnight.

We called the insurance company to report the claim. His initial estimate is already almost $4,000! We have been sucking water out of our carpets all day. Our laminate flooring is bowing and there is water standing in our air conditioning ducts. I seriously just sit back, look at the water and laugh. I keep telling myself that someone else probably has it worse than me.

We will be without water until sometime tomorrow because the plumbing company would like the original plumber that did the work to come out to fix the problem. I wonder how many excuses they will come up with to try to get out of paying this bill? Thank goodness for homeowners insurance.

Hello out there

2008-08-11T21:08:00.002-05:00

It has been almost a week now since we buried my mom. It has really been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I have never felt the emptiness I feel now. I am so used to calling her at least once a day. Now no one answers. I miss her voice so much. I wonder who I will turn to now when I have something I need advice about. I am trying to get things back to normal, but somehow I know it will just never be the same. I hope to post a few pics of Nick soon to get off this subject. I just don't know when I will get around to doing it.
Thank you so much to all of you who have shown me support and love through this incredibly tough time. Without all of you this would have been unbearable.

Arrangements

2008-08-04T00:45:00.002-05:00

Arrangements have been made for my mother.

The visitation will be at Buchanan's on Tuesday from 5-8.

The funeral will be on Wednesday at 10:30

Thank you again for everything. Your support through this has been so much appreciated!

Rest In Peace Mamma

2008-08-03T02:52:00.004-05:00

It has been a very long difficult weekend. I want to let my blogger friends and family know that my mom passed away peacefully at 12:20 this morning. It was such a sad but beautiful thing to witness. I am glad that she no longer has to suffer. She has battled this disease for two years with the thoughts of winning. Someone however had other plans for her. She is resting peacefully now in the hands of her father. I will let everyone know what arrangements are as soon as we make them. Thanks to all of you who have sent prayers and thoughts our way. You don't know how much they have been appreciated.

2008-07-31T22:33:00.002-05:00

Wow! I can't even imagine that I deserve another award. I am honored and blessed by the things Jess http://allthelittleflowers.blogspot.com/ had to say about me. (Wish I knew how to add a link). Jess is a really sweet person with a fantastic family that cares about everyone. She and her husband Bill really inspire me. The past year I have really struggled with who I am and how to personally find God. They have great blogs that I visit daily. I guess now it is time for me to pass the award on. There are many rules to follow:

1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. Nominate at least seven other blogs. (I'm breaking the rules here and just picking one)
4. Add links to those blogs on your blog.
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog

I, like Jess am going to break rule number 3 and only nominate one blog. I have been very consumed in personal matters, but try to take the time daily for myself to check out my favorite blogs. The reason I have nominated the following person is because no matter what kind of a day I am having, I know I can click on this blog and there will be something to laugh about. I nominate:

The Dorn Family at lifeisgood4.blogspot.com/. I have known the Dorns most of my life and know they are FANTASTIC people. They have a great family and their blog is definitely something to check out. Hope you enjoy the award and and pass it on to another deserving blogger.

Thanks Jess for such an honor

Update

2008-07-30T22:06:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I took my final in my clinical calculations class. The moment I turned my test in, I felt a huge relief lift off of my shoulders. I felt like I did fantastic.

My teacher called today to inform me that I got an A on the final. I cannot believe it. Not only did I do well on my final, but I am able to spend as much time with my mom as I want. I am so happy for my class to be over.

I also want to let everyone know about my mom. She has been in a little bit of pain the past day or so. When Hospice came in today we asked for some pain meds to alleviate the pain. She is finally resting peacefully. I have not seen her this at peace for months. Although it tugs at my heart, it fills me with joy at the same time. I am so glad to know she is comfortable right now. I will try to keep you updated as things change over the next few days. Thanks again for all your support!

2008-07-27T01:24:00.002-05:00

I cant sleep. I am filled with guilt that I had to come home to find time to study for my final. I feel like I am in the wrong place right now. I want to be with my mom, but I HAVE to pass my final. I know this is what she would want me to do , but I still feel so guilty. If only I lived closer.

I left my mom at 5 pm and have had nothing but anxiety since then. I want to be there. I want to help take care of her. Thank God I have such a great family to care for her when I can't be there. I don't know what would have happened without my aunt Kathy and Leslie there to help make things run so smoothly. (Thank You)

Hospice has been called in. They tell us we are down to weeks verses months. I am numb to all of this. I just really don't know what to think at this point. I miss my mom. I know she is still here, but in all reality she is not. I miss her laugh, because she can barely smile now, I miss her humor, because she can barely talk, and I miss her being her. She has changed drastically in the past few day and it scares me to think that things can go down hill so quickly.

I had a conversation with my mom on Friday that I will never forget. I was feeding her dinner and she looked at me and said "You are getting Stronger". I asked her what she meant by that and she replied, "You don't cry anymore". I completely stopped in my tracks. I told her that I am starting to accept things. I guess I feel more at ease because I know where she is going. I know she will be in good hands. I also told her that it is okay. I have been told that it is important for them to know that you feel that way. I don't want to lose my mom, but I also hate the quality of life she has now....Zero!

I don't know what I will do when I get that dreaded phone call....I can't even fathom that at this time. Right now I know I have to be there and do what I can to make her comfortable. How? How do you do this when you are not really even comfortable yourself? I struggle with where I should be. It is so hard.

My mom got my brother and I very special gifts. They are beautiful wooden carved angels that say...

" Angels are always near to those who are grieving to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hands of God"

These are the words now that keep me going. This gift shows you just what kind of woman my mother is. She is so special. Even in a time when she cannot lift her head or hardly speak a word she finds the time to let my brother and I know just how special we are to her. She is amazing!

I Love My Blogger FAMILY!!!!!

2008-07-23T17:25:00.003-05:00

Never did I imagine that a blog would bring me so close to people. I LOVE my blogger family. You know who you are and you know what you did for me. From the bottom of my heart....

Thank You!

I am MAD!!!

2008-07-21T09:12:00.002-05:00

(Last years Komen Race in STL)
As i sit here to write this post the more angry I get. I just want to scream, cry, throw myself on the ground and throw a fit like a child.
I am angry that I have not been able to be with my mom as much as I would like because 1. I am still in school and cannot miss. 2. I cannot not afford the gas prices in our area. I spent over $300 in gas last week alone. ONE WEEK. I have to pick and choose which days I can come and spend time with my mom around how much money we have in the bank for gas. I want to spend every moment with her, but it is not possible. 3. I miss my family. I have not seen my husband or son in 3 days. I know they understand and they know what is important right now, but I miss them.

My mom is 46 years old. She cannot shower by herself, eat, drink, sleep, or walk by herself. It is not fair. When I help her shower it breaks my heart. She is 46 with the body of an 80 year old woman. The cancer has literally aged her 40 years. I HATE CANCER!

I am selfish. I don't want my mom to go. Although at this point I know it will not happen, I want a miracle. I want my mom to watch my child(ren) grow up. I want to hear her voice everyday. I want her to watch me walk across the stage and be pinned. I want her to live!!!! I want her to be okay.

Sometimes i feel immoral...I feel this way because the tears don't come like they used to. I sit here and watch my mom waste away to nothing and have no emotion any more. I have become bitter. I do not want to be bitter. I need to learn to celebrate her life and the moments we have. It is just so hard.

2008-07-20T08:30:00.002-05:00

(Easter 08)

Hello everyone. I am so sorry to not post something for such a long time, but I am sure you understand. Thank you Sarah for posting something last week for me. I really appreciate it.

My mom is hanging in there. She is such a fighter. She knows that there is nothing else for the doctors to do to help her, yet she continues to stay strong and focused. It is really hard to see her so weak and fragile, but I am glad I get to spend this time with her. She is an amazing person. I will continue to keep all of you posted on a more regular basis as my summer session of classes is winding down and I will get to spend more time over here. I thank all of you for your support and compassion for my family. Please continue to pray.

Mom Update

2008-07-08T18:53:00.002-05:00

Hi Everyone,

I know it has been awhile since I have been able to give you an update. I have finally found a few minutes. There has really been no change in mom's condition besides being extremely weak and tired. She really has to be helped to do the littlest of tasks.

This past weekend the ENTIRE family went camping at Hickory Sh0res Resort in Carlyle. Our good friends Bruce and Bev Lewis were nice enough to pull their camper there so that my mom would be comfortable in her own camper. She was never alone and was able to spend time individually with sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles as well as her children and grandchildren.

My Uncle Scott was kind enough to go around the campground and find a golf cart to rent out for the entire weekend so she did not have to walk. (That is very tiring for her) There was also a hammock there that she would lay in and sit back and watch all of the activity around her. One time when I was sitting beside her she told me she was just soaking it all in.

For some time now my mom told me how she would give anything to visit the beach again. Well on Saturday we took her to the beach. We set up her hammock and an awning on the sand and she was able to watch the sailboats and the waves crash on the sand. Although it was not the ocean, it was something I will never forget.

The weekend wore her out, but I know that it is something that everyone in my family will forever remember.

It is really hard to see her so helpless, but I cherish the fact that I am able to spend this time with her right now. Thank you for continuing to pray for her. I will try not to stay out of the loop so long next time.

Thanks for the Love

2008-07-08T16:04:00.003-05:00

Thank you Tracie for the Bloggy-Love award. I appreciate it so much. I now have to pass this special award on to someone else.

After much thought I have decided to pass this prestigious award on to.... Jamee at www.letmetellyasomething.blogspot.com. Jamee has been a friend of mine since the fourth grade. We lived across the street from each other for years and basically grew up together. I have not been in touch with Jamee for a few years now and regret every bit of time that has passed and the things I have missed out on.

I have not been able to watch her kids grow up, or seen her achieve all that she has in the past several years.

Jamee has always been an inspiration to me. She has always let me know when I was wrong, helped me achieve my goals, and been my shoulder when I needed one to cry on.

I really miss Jamee and hope to one day regain the friendship I so cherish.

So Jamee, it is now up to you to pass on this award.

Tracie thanks again for the LOVE!

To My Stepdad

2008-07-02T15:06:00.002-05:00

Mike:

You are an amazing person. I cannot express to you how much I appreciate all that you have done for my mom. You have been a rock and the support she needed to make it this far. I am so glad that you both found each other and were able to have at least a few great years together. I am not sure what she would have done without you. You have been so positive through this entire process. You make her comfortable, you love her, you appreciate her. For that I am so thankful.

You have let her live life for the past year and a half like she never has before. Even though you are a Cubs fan you have taken her to see as many Cardinal games as she could stand. (I am still glad I got to see you in a Cardinal hat!)

There are really no words for me to express to you how much I love you! Thank you for being so strong and loving my mom unconditionally.

Love
Amanda

Thank you to all of my fellow bloggers.

2008-07-02T14:50:00.003-05:00

To my blogger family:

It is amazing how you can become close to people you know and some that you have never even met. When I started blogging I thought it would just be a way for me to keep my family up to date on things that were happening in our lives. I never would have thought that I would become friends with so many wonderful people and catch up with people I have not seen in years.

I want to express to you what it means to receive all the well wishes and support for my family in the past few months. I am so grateful for all of the prayer chains that I have seen on blogs. It means so much. I am not sure if my mom has been able to look at them all, but I have told her about them and she is so grateful. For those of you who would like to look at the prayer chains please check out the following:
http://letmetellyasomething.blogspot.net,
http://christinagblogspot.blogspot.com/
http://gosnellfamily.blogspot.com/
http://sarahsplayground1.blogspot.com/
http://coffeewiththecrains.blogspot.com/
http://allthelittleflowers.blogspot.com/
http://mustlovetots.blogspot.com/

I also would like to thank all of you who have left such warm messages on my blog. It really means the world. This is such a difficult time, but to be honest reading all the thoughts really helps to ease some of the pain.

Thank you again

Amanda

Mom Update

2008-06-30T23:53:00.003-05:00

How do I begin? This post comes with a very heavy heart. I am overwhelmed with emotion, but feel that I should let everyone know what is going on with my mom.

We saw the doctor today and he informed us that her liver is very sick so to speak. Her bilirubin (liver function) is at a 3.5 and should be below 1.5. She has been unable to take chemo now for about 5 weeks so her tumor trackers have jumped tremendously as well. Her symptoms all show that she is in liver failure.

Her liver is just so damaged from the Cancer and the chemo it is just unable to preform its duties. She has a lot of fluid on her stomach because her liver is unable to get them. She can only eat bites at a time and she is extremely weak.

Dr. Wade told my mom that it was her choice if she would like to try chemo today in hopes that it may help a little. He informed her that it was probably a long shot though and could even speed up the process of liver failure. He let her know that she could go without chemo and not be sick or have all the other side effects that would go along with it and enjoy what time she had left. He also told her he felt that it was important for her to spend and enjoy time with her family this week. (We have a big family camping trip planned) In the end mom chose NOT to take the chemo.

It is so hard....I can't even explain what I am feeling right now. It seems like things went from good to bad in such a short time. There is still so much I want to do and share with my mom. There are also so many things I wish I could do over. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. Why? Why does this have to happen? I know it is selfish of me to want her to stay, but I can't help it. She is my mom, best friend and my hero. She is one of the great ones. After all is said and done....I hope to make her proud and can be half the person she is.

New Pics

2008-06-27T09:01:00.002-05:00

Amber took pictures of My mom and her grand babies the other day and they are up on her website. Thank you so much Amber for a wonderful job as always! They all turned out great. Now picking which to order is the tricky part.

Check out the pics a www.photographicsgallery.net.

Chinese Food???

2008-06-27T08:44:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I forgot to post this earlier...

My mother in law called a few weeks ago and asked Nick and I to go to lunch. We said yes and met her at Applebee's.

The waitress delivered Nick's plate and he looked and her and said... Pu Pu Platter.

He apparently picked up on this when we ate Chinese months ago. I laughed so hard I almost choked on my drink.